© Copyright 1995-2023 Brahma Kumaris
World Spiritual University
More than a decade ago, the then Industrial Society, now the Work Foundation, called for new approaches and 'liberated leadership' built on interconnected networks, mutual trust, values, integrity, shared beliefs and strong relationships. This was intended to foster real progress in personal and organisational achievement, by way of encouraging a greater focus on values based on human dignity rather than on the short term and the narrow values of consumerism. This vision has many parallels with the intent of the UK Criminal Justice System of the last few years.
In their Campaign for Leadership pamphlet, 'Leaders for Tomorrow's Society’, the Industrial Society suggested:
"British society as a whole and many groups, both large and small, within it, face rising alienation, cynicism and exclusion. Without a new, values-based approach to leadership, the risk of social disintegration is both real and urgent. The roots of the latent crisis lie in our failure as individuals, in organisations and communities; to realise our potential. This is sometimes because people don't recognise their own capabilities, sometimes because they are prevented from exploiting them. The result is a growing number of people who have lost their identity, purpose or framework for living. In addition, the response to global competitive pressures is a gradual decline into the realms of the unethical; in the absence of shared visions, society is increasingly focusing on the short term and the narrow values of consumerism instead of values based on human dignity."
How the world has changed since 1999?
As we move into the New Year, this might be a time to reflect on the above vision as well as what my contribution towards that might have been and might yet be. One manner in which we might do that is by considering my New Year resolutions.
For example, what might our resolutions be for the next twelve months: to give up smoking; to follow a particular diet; to spend more quality time with the kids; to give two weekends a year to a charity cause? We each have your own. But how many of those resolutions benefit just me, how many my close family and friends, and how many the community I live in or society in a wider context? How many of these resolutions are on the basis of shared vision, on values based on human dignity and how many on the narrow values of consumerism?
Have I changed since 1999? Do I represent that new leadership, spoken of?
The internet is such an amazing tool: if you don’t know what something is then ‘Google it!’ Information is at our finger-tips in seconds. This benefit of IT allows us to be educated about topics that we are all connected with – directly or indirectly, as well as to educate others.
I recently spent some time on a website that provides an insight into the considerations that are taken into account when an individual comes in front of the court. It even allows us, as members of the public, to ‘judge and sentence’ someone on the basis of information ‘heard in court’. Our judgement is then compared against the actual decision of the court, while talking us through the various guiding factors that pertain to this crime.
Crime and punishment do have clear, meticulous guidelines. However, we still hear in the press that, on occasions, ‘sentencing doesn’t fit the crime!’ or ‘the punishment is too lenient!’ On other occasions, we hear that so-and-so has received a longer than expected sentence to serve as an example to others, in order to persuade them that crime doesn’t pay. What a balancing act those that meet out the punishment have to play: to what degree is the punishment designed to encourage change in the offender and to what degree is it to send a signal to others to dissuade them from similar activity?
Let alone those within the judicial system, what about myself. To what extent am I level-headed or influenced, responsive or reactive, compassionate or emotional when I hear about crimes committed? Well the website I accesses provided some insight into that. So too will the following story.
A white-haired old Cherokee chief was sitting with his young granddaughter on a rocky outcrop looking out over the plain. He was deep in thought.
After a time he turned to her as said, “There is a fight is going on inside of me, a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, hatred, anger, resentment, arrogance, and selfishness. The other wolf stands for kindness, compassion, respect, integrity, generosity, and empathy.
He then fell silent again. After a short while the granddaughter turned to the old man and asked, “Grandpa, which wolf wins?”
He turned to her and, with a smile that expressed all his accumulated wisdom, simply said, “Whichever one you feed!”
Of course, it is experience accrued over time that allows for clear-thinking in any such situation.
Lord Woolf recently stated, "It has long been my belief that judges should know much more about what happens and the consequence of their sentencing. Of course you wonder what's happening. Having been involved in Strangeways, you then realise just how important our prison system is to the administration of justice and to the protection of the public. You can either use it in a constructive way, or in a destructive way.’
Young people tend to receive a disproportionate amount of bad press. Unfortunately, this can create a negative mindset for many of us who are of the next generation or older. The story that follows demonstrates how not everyone holds negative attitudes and how, in fact, positive approaches can profoundly change someone’s life. It relates to one act of kindness that befell British writer Bernard Hare in 1982. Then a student living near London, he tells the story to inspire troubled young people to help deal with their disrupted lives.
“The police called at my student hovel early evening but I didn't answer as I thought they'd come to evict me: I hadn't paid my rent in months. But then I got to thinking: my mum hadn't been too good and what if it was something about her?
We had no phone and mobiles hadn't been invented yet, so I had to nip down the phone box. I rang home to Leeds to find my mother was in hospital and not expected to survive the night. "Get home, son," my dad said.
I got to the railway station to find a train going as far as Peterborough that night but I would miss the connecting Leeds train by twenty minutes. I bought a ticket home and got on anyway. I had a screwdriver in my pocket and my bunch of skeleton keys. I was so desperate to get home that I planned to nick a car in Peterborough, steal some money, something, anything! I just knew from my dad's tone of voice that my mother was going to die that night and I intended to get home, if it killed me.
"Tickets, please," I heard, as I stared blankly out of the window at the passing darkness. I fumbled for my ticket and gave it to the guard when he approached. He stamped it, but then just stood there looking at me. I'd been crying, had red eyes and must have looked a fright.
"You okay?" he asked. "Course I'm okay," I said. "Why wouldn't I be? And what's it got to do with you in any case?"
"You look awful," he said. "Is there anything I can do?"
"You could get lost and mind your own business," I said. "That'd be a big help." I wasn't in the mood for talking.
He was only a little bloke and he must have read the danger signals in my body language and tone of voice, but he sat down opposite me anyway and continued to engage me. "If there's a problem, I'm here to help. That's what I'm paid for."
I was a bubbling cauldron of emotion and he had placed himself in my line of fire. Other than physically 'sending him on his way,' the only other thing I could think of to get rid of him was to tell him my story. "Look, my mum's in hospital, dying, she won't survive the night, I'm going to miss the connection to Leeds at Peterborough, I'm not sure how I'm going to get home.I'm a bit upset, I don't really feel like talking, I'd be grateful if you'd leave me alone. Okay?"
Okay," he said, finally getting up," and wandered off down the carriage. I continued to look out of the window at the dark. Ten minutes later, he was back at the side of my table. Oh no, I thought, here we go again.
He touched my arm. "Listen, when we get to Peterborough, shoot straight over to Platform One. The Leeds train'll still be there. As soon as you get on, it goes. I've just radioed Peterborough and they're going to hold the train up for you."Everyone will be complaining about how late it is but let's not worry about that on this occasion. You'll get home and that's the main thing. Good luck and God bless."
" I was suddenly speechless. "I, erm…" "It's okay," he said. "Not a problem." He had a warm smile on his face and true compassion in his eyes. He was a good man for its own sake and required nothing in return.
"I wish I had some way to thank you," I said. "I appreciate what you've done."
"Not a problem," he said again. "If you feel the need to thank me, the next time you see someone in trouble, you help them out. That will pay me back amply. "Tell them to pay you back the same way and soon the world will be a better place."
I was at my mother's side when she died in the early hours of the morning.
My meeting with the Good Conductor changed me from a selfish, potentially violent hedonist into a decent human being but it took time. "I've paid him back a thousand times since then," I tell the young people I work with and I'll keep on doing so till the day I die, “You don't owe me nothing; nothing at all. And if you think you do, I'd give you the same advice the Good Conductor gave me: pass it down the line."
Why is it that, with some people, we can let down our guard and feel totally comfortable and yet with others the steel walls just won’t crack! With some we can eat from the same plate and sip from the same drink, and others we keep at an arm’s length. Research has shown, that North Americans need, on average, three feet of space between them when conversing and yet South Americans (or those from warmer climates) require only a few inches of personal space.
What defines our comfort level for physical proximity to others is, actually, what is known as emotional proximity. For example, falling in love is an act of letting down our guard, allowing the other person to enter our mind and heart and then, perhaps, our whole life. Becoming angry with someone is an example of forces that put me ‘on my guard’, rejecting the other, and driving each other apart.
Our emotional proximity is often determined by how willing we are to listen to and understand the other person and how open we are to care for and share with others. For example, stepping into a room filled with ten people can feel overwhelming if you don’t know them but if all were friends or relatives, then even ten would cause no consternation.
When engaging with someone you don’t know for the first time, whether as a public speaker from a platform or as a probation officer with an offender, there is, inevitably, a distance between the two parties. For many of us, it is times like this, when we are feeling vulnerable or unsure of how we will be accepted, that we protect ourselves by not engaging, maybe by staying away or by being quiet.
However, the first ‘step’ towards each other needs to create positive emotions; a breaking of the ice. It is this that will begin to engender trust within the other person and in what they have to say. When one feels safe, accepted, respected or loved, one need not put up any fences. As this grows, it will encourage the other person to come closer and so to enhance emotional proximity.
This is beautifully demonstrated in the film ‘Dangerous Minds’, a story about a teacher learning to work with the class of kids who were deemed to be ‘social misfits.’ Her first experience of the class resulted in her walking out. It was only when a colleague advised her to find a way to engage with them that she was able to begin overcome the barriers. Great film!
For myself, perhaps it’s time to reflect, to recognise where I have constructed walls and that the walls that I’ve built around me only serve to isolate, not protect me. Letting go of them can open me up to a whole new world of possibilities. As Susan Jeffers says, “Feel the fear and do it anyway!”
© Copyright 1995-2023 Brahma Kumaris
World Spiritual University