In a recent blog entry, Wendy Marshall, of Hope Mountain, suggested that we actively seek out individuals, projects, and practices that have been the catalyst for change and named several with whom she worked. As I come to understand more about the work that people such as those she mentioned are engaged in, I feel that there is a common denominator present, one that I first became aware of at a conference that was exploring the value of alternative therapies within the prison context.

During the conference, one after another therapy was spoken of and the data that supported the benefits shared with the audience. During a lunchtime conversation, the person I was speaking with suggested that while each therapy almost certainly did carry a benefit to the ‘patient,’ what was probably having the most impact was the fact that the prisoners were receiving quality time and attention, that they were being shown ‘love.’

Love, in its varied expression, is the common denominator which will bring about personal transformation. Love, so often, is the missing ingredient. Perhaps this is why it tends to be the smaller, more intimate exchanges that can bring about the greatest shift in an individual. We see this within the prison setting as well as within education. Generally and unfortunately, larger groups tend to offer less of a connection between the leader or mentor, and the individual within the group.

John Heider, in ‘The Tao of Leadership,’ suggests that it is not the leader’s (mentor’s) role to play judge and jury, to ‘punish’ people for ‘bad’ behaviour. In the first place, punishment does not effectively control behaviour but, even if punishment did work, who would dare use fear as a teaching method?

He says that the wise person knows that there are natural consequences for every act. The task is to shed light on those natural consequences, not to attack the behaviour itself. If one tries to take the place of nature and act as judge and jury, the best you can expect is a crude imitation of a very subtle process. At the very least, the leader or mentor will discover that the sword of justice cuts both ways - punishing others is punishing work!

It is one thing to know what not to do; it is another thing to know what to do …. and be able to sustain that in the midst of challenging behaviours. This is perhaps our greatest challenge – to be the same inside as out and to give …. unconditionally!

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