Week in and week out we hear football managers making the claim that such and such a goal shouldn’t have been allowed as a player was offside. However, this has taken on a new and very public slant in recent weeks.
Two well-known male television presenters, apparently believing their microphones had been switched off, were recorded making disparaging remarks about a female assistant referee, related to women’s apparent lack of understanding of the offside rule. A headline that followed read “Commentators in Sexist Rant.” Another commentator suggested that, “Comments belong in the dark ages. Sexism is as bad as racism.”
What has this to do with offender management? Perhaps nothing currently; you tell me.
Standards of Behaviour - Acceptable or Not?
Exactly a decade ago, the Spirituality in Prison Group hosted a residential seminar, Breaking the Cycle, for people who worked within offender management. The seminar looked at the different cycles we find ourselves locked into. The example cited in the flier suggested that a person showing disrespect for another will receive the same in return, so creating a cycle of disrespect … unless one person decides to break that cycle.
During a panel discussion, a serving prison governor spoke with great honesty about her own experiences within the Service. She talked of the sexist attitudes and systematic bullying she had experienced in three different prisons from her peers, her managers, and by the prison officers. Her contribution opened a floodgate of feelings and comment that revealed the magnitude of bullying experienced, at all levels by many of the people present.
Someone spoke of ‘accepted standards of behaviour by staff that are so wrong.’ Another drew attention to the fact that ‘prison staff are trained to treat prisoners in a humane and respectful way because that’s how we want them to behave in society. However, there is a need to treat all staff with decency and dignity, too.’ It was suggested that ‘bullying is endemic and that most people involved are not aware that they are doing it – it has become part of the culture.’
So, if it still exists, what do we need to do to break the cycle? Is it about revisiting core values of the Service, namely decency and dignity?
Decency and Dignity
Dignity is a state that emanates from one’s core being whilst decency relates to the quality of our interactions with others. Therefore, my dignity is not dependent on anything external but on my own inner state of awareness. This is why, any time we become disconnected from our inner world, we loose contact with our values and therefore with our dignity.
Fluctuation of that inner sense of worth, value and dignity can, and does, easily occur. It may be that we become drawn away from our dignity by becoming caught up in someone else either through becoming impressed by them or by coming into conflict with them. The word ‘integrity,’ therefore, is important here. Integrity is that state where there is no discrepancy within me, where thoughts, feelings and emotions are working together with the silent voice of conscience.
When one’s focus is on the external, the voice of conscience tends to become veiled. For most of us it is something we need to connect with more frequently, to give ourselves the time to listen or to create the space and the stillness to ‘hear.’ In that state of division where there isn’t integrity, a small thing can happen and the reaction can be enormous. We become reactive towards a situation or person. How often have you heard the cautionary words, ‘Engage brain before opening mouth,’ perhaps more politely expressed as ‘think before you speak!’
We see that when one gives attention to carrying out good and positive actions in their life, their interactions with others will be influenced by this. When I have dignity, I am in a position to positively influence those around me for the result of dignity is respect and truth. However, I can only begin to treat others with decency when I have developed dignity for myself.
Respect and Truth
The power of truth is such that I don’t make the mistake of causing sorrow to another or of taking sorrow from someone else. One value that is particularly important in maintaining such a relationship is tolerance. When I have tolerance then those around me can be at ease, they don’t have to pay special attention in what they do such that I don’t become upset or affected. When I have tolerance, I am prepared to accept another person for who they are or what they represent.
With tolerance, if someone makes a mistake then, when I come to deal with the situation, as well as the practical aspect of ‘laying down the law’ there will be respect for that person. When the law is applied with respect then there will be some realisation and that mistake will not be repeated. In this way the person who made the mistake will not lose their honour or their dignity. With this approach, there is no place for criticism, dislike, competition, favouritism or prejudice. It shouldn’t be that you wag your finger at someone, ask ‘Why did you do that?’ or ask for an apology. They themselves will have the thought that they should apologise.
So, what do I need to do to develop this level of dignity?
It is necessary to create time to explore my inner world, to strengthen that voice of conscience, and to know and understand my inner values and give practical acknowledgment to those values. I need to understand causes, reactions, and upheavals in my mind, be able to move it from a negative track to a positive track, and to be in tune with my own conscience. This enables me to know truly who I am and build that level of dignity …. and for this, I need to give myself time for reflection, for silence.
As I develop this inner strength, a state of alignment and integrity follows, and dignity returns to my life again. This enables trust to develop both within my self and with others.
