Some of you reading this will have known Lee. For some years, he was a prison officer at HMYOI Hollesley Bay, before ‘escaping’ to work with young people in a personal development capacity. Lee finally succumbed to cancer in March.
Whether you knew Lee or not, I wanted to share something that is probably relevant to all of us.
Lee was not comfortable to be put in a position where he was addressing a large group. However, at our residential seminar back in 2003, he hesitatingly agreed to be a panellist and share something of his story. The topic was ‘Understanding Control, Power and Force.’ Lee’s contribution, that morning, was huge.
In the form of key points, I would like to share with you what came out of that conversation, under five separate headings.
Enablement
- Power is generated through respect and must be nurtured.
- My role is to help others to find their own power. I can't change others but I can help them make changes for themselves.
- Where appropriate, give people control of a situation through developing their self respect.
Example
- How I feel reflects onto others. As I do, others will follow. I therefore need to be aware of myself as a positive role model.
- To witness the trust that another will show can change people's lives.
- When one's words are the same as one's actions, then one is authentic.
Perception
- There are many facets to every individual. Given the right conditions, hidden aspects of one's character will be revealed that will say more than 1000 words.
- Power is within. When I am connected to my power, I have self control.
- Empowerment in a prison system allows individuals to be 'under control' but not 'controlled' - there is still room for personal expression and uniqueness.
Clarity
- An indicator of power or control is to ask myself.
- ‘How does this leave me feeling?' Drained or empowered?
- What is my contribution to any situation? What is my level of responsibility? My input can make a situation difficult or dangerous or it can make it easy and safe.
Motivation
- We see the changes that we feel others need to make. However, there needs to be patience or there may be the temptation to do something that causes harm, not good.
- Something will only work for someone when they are at a point when they are open to something else.
- Force should always be the last resort and, even then, I should question my motivation each time. There is such a different energy when I control someone from the place of care and protection - a loving intervention - rather than when I control with punishment in mind.
- When fear becomes the motivation, I lose touch with the desire for care and concern and balance is lost. Our own insecurity often means that we become aggressive and forceful.
- To do something with love, is a transformative power
Comments
Lee was a wonderful young man,who believed that change was possible.
Although I feel saddened for his loss,I am richer for knowing him.
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